Today I am playing a trick on you. Ha! Good one. The next Guided By Voices album is finished, and it’s (obviously) great, and you can’t hear it until I believe May. It’s called Class Clown Spots A UFO. Which is an old song made new again through the magic of R. Pollard. And despite the fact the the band is getting ready to finish recording the next next GBV record (either my ears are going bad or Bob told me the working title is Bears For Lunch, or both, or neither), you STILL HAVE TO WAIT. Sorry. I just work here.

What I can and will do for you is re-present another example of an old song made new again, in the form of  “Walls And Windows,” a very early (1983) Guided By Voices song that Bob would later re-write and recontextualize and appropriate and whatever all else words you want to use for when he goes back to an old song and turns it into a new song, in this case called “Hardcore UFOs,” appearing on the album Bee Thousand.

The catch to the latter re-presentation is that I am not only going to post that song, but another song, called “Streets and the City,” by my new band Detective. Or, if you prefer, Détective, because it’s named after the Godard film of that name. Upon being told which a certain film director of my acquaintance called me “pretentious.” To which I replied, “Yeah, next thing you know I’ll remake a Tarkovsky film.” Because he actually did that! See? I threw it back in his face! Burn. He replied “No one would be stupid enough to do that,” which at least shows that he can joke about himself, unlike me. I have no sense of humor about myself. I take everything very seriously and carry grudges forever and… oh, wait, that’s Steve Albini. Never mind.

Anyway. So. Alors. At least I didn’t write this whole post in French, which I could have done. I just sold my novel The Failure to the French publisher Gallimard for like a billion dollars in my own translation (I had help). It’s called L’Echec in French. (Okay, I had a lot of help. Still.)

As a result, I am in a festive mood. Click here to hear the result of my festive mood.

The link will take you to a page where you can hear “Walls And Windows,” probably for like the thirty-thousand and one third time, as well as “Streets and the City,” should you so wish. God gave you free will and so do I. That’s basically what God and I have in common. That and perfection. We have those things in common. We’re both perfect. Other than that… oh yeah, omnipresence. I have that. So, just the granting of free will to every human being, perfection of body and spirit, and omnipresence. Feels like I’m forgetting something. Whatever.

Also, I would like to present:

And finally, because I’m pretty sure you like to click on things, a very special surprise awaits you if you click here.

It’s been a pleasure. No, really. If you are at all inclined to “like” things or “tweet” about them or “share” them on any of the popular social media platforms, that would make me happy enough to consider posting more unreleased Guided By Voices rarities and maybe even someday tell you the story about why the hell I started another band and furthermore why we are playing the Empty Bottle in Chicago on February 29th or Atwater Crossing in Los Angeles on March 8th and wherever elese we decide to play in the future. THANKS FOR LISTENING.